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[Heidi]

“the year of letting go, of understanding loss. grace. of the word ‘no’ and also being able to say ‘you are not kind’. the year of humanity/humility. when the whole world couldn’t get out of bed. everyone i’ve met this year, says the same thing ‘you are so easy to be around, how do you do that?’. the year i broke open and dug out all the rot with own hands. the year i learnt small talk. and how to smile at strangers. the year i understood that i am my best when i reach out and ask ‘do you want to be my friend?’. the year of sugar, everywhere. softness. sweetness. honey honey. the year of being alone, and learning how much i like it. the year of hugging people i don’t know, because i want to know them. the year i made peace and love, right here.”
― Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“i don't know when love became elusive
what i know, is that no one i know has it
my fathers arms around my mothers neck
fruit too ripe to eat, a door half way open
when your name is a just a hand i can never hold
everything i have ever believed in, becomes magic.

i think of lovers as trees, growing to and
from one another searching for the same light,
my mothers laughter in a dark room,
a photograph greying under my touch,
this is all i know how to do, carry loss around until
i begin to resemble every bad memory,
every terrible fear,
every nightmare anyone has ever had.

i ask did you ever love me?
you say of course, of course so quickly
that you sound like someone else
i ask are you made of steel? are you made of iron?
you cry on the phone, my stomach hurts

i let you leave, i need someone who knows how to stay.”
― Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“fit in here, in my palm, in my shadow, don’t be bigger than my idea of you, don’t be more beautiful than i can accept, don’t be more human than i am willing to allow you to be and be quiet, you’re too loud, even your un-belonging is loud. quiet your dreams, your voice, your hair, quiet your skin, quiet your displacement, quiet your longing, your colour, quiet your walk, your eyes. who said you could look at me like that? who said you could exist without permission? why are you even here? why aren’t you shrinking? i think of you often. you vibrate. you walk into a room and the temperature changes. i lean in and almost recognise you as human. but, no. we can’t have that.”
― Warsan Shire

[storm]

"Poslije nje druge su me voljele. To su mi barem govorile. Nisu mi mnogo značile, nisam ih mogao voljeti. A pokušavao sam, želio sam ponovo voljeti, i nisam uspjevao.
U svakoj sam tražio nju, njene oči, ruke, glas, njeno lice.
I svaki put nisam nalazio to što tražim, tuga bi bivala veća, a želja za njom krvnički jaka.
Bivao bih ciničan i nepravedno grub, kažnjavajuci druge za nešto što sam želio da vratim, a nisam mogao...
Prekidao sam svaku vezu, bez riječi, bez objašnjenja, misleći da ću na taj način biti jači, nadmoćniji, a bivao bih slabiji i ranjiviji nego što sam bio. Svetio sam se, a da nisam bio svjestan toga. I bio sve umorniji.
Da mi je da te ponovo zagrlim, kao nekad davno.
Da tvoje male nježne ruke držim u svojima, i da gledam tvoje srneće oči tonući u njihovu dubinu kao u najljepšu bajku ispunjen mirom i srećom.
Da mi je da još jednom na usnama osjetim toplinu i mekoću usana tvojih.
Da mi je da te kao nekada zagrlim, da tvoje krhko i nježno tijelo obavijem svojim tijelom štiteći te od svega što bi moglo da te povrijedi.
Volio sam te više nego sto sam i znao.
Volio sam te samoubilački, jer tebe se nije moglo voljeti drugačije.
Volio sam te, jedina tišino u mome nemiru.
Volio sam te, i znam da nikad više nikog neću voljeti kao tebe, zato što nikada više neću biti takav kao u tom vremenu koje je prošlo, koje sam želio da zadržim, i nisam mogao, sve da sam i život u zalog dao. A dao bih."

[Heidi]

“two people who were once very close can
without blame
or grand betrayal
become strangers.
perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world.”
― Warsan Shire

“I have my mother’s mouth and my father’s eyes; on my face they are
still together.”
― Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“I’m not sad, but the boys who are looking for sad girls always find me. I’m not a girl anymore and I’m not sad anymore. You want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say ‘Wow, isn't he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.”
― Warsan Shire


“To my daughter I will say, when men come, set yourself on fire.”
― Warsan Shire, Teaching My Mother How to Give Birth

[Heidi]

“every mouth you’ve ever kissed
was just practice
all the bodies you’ve ever undressed
and ploughed in to
were preparing you for me.
i don’t mind tasting them in the
memory of your mouth
they were a long hall way
a door half open
a single suit case still on the conveyor belt
was it a long journey?
did it take you long to find me?
you’re here now,
welcome home.”
― Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“give your daughters difficult names. give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. my name makes you want to tell me the truth. my name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right.”
― Warsan Shire

“At the end of the day, it isn’t where I came from. Maybe home is somewhere I’m going and never have been before.”
― Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?

it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.”
― Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude.”
― Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

I give myself five days to forget you.
on the first day i rust.
on the second i wilt.
on the third day i sit with friends but i think about your tongue.
i clean my room on the fourth day. i clean my body on the fourth day.
i try to replace your scent on the fourth day.
the fifth day, i adorn myself like the mouth of an inmate.
a wedding singer dressed in borrowed gold.
the midas of cheap metal.
tinsel in the middle of summer.
crevice glitter, two days after the party.
i glow the way unwanted things do,
a neon sign that reads;
come, i still taste like someone else’s mouth.

Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“the ego hurts you like this: you become obsessed with the one person who does not love you. blind to the rest who do.

W. Shire

[Heidi]

Dear Moon,

We blame you for floods
for the flush of blood
for men who are also wolves
and even though you could pull
the tide in by its hair
we tell people that we walked all
over you
we blame you for the night
for the dark
for the ghosts
you cold unimaginable thing
following us home,
we use you
to see each others frail
naked bodies beneath your blue light,
we let you watch; you
swollen against the glass
breath a halo of steam
as we move against one another
wet and desperate
like fish under
a waterlogged sky

-Warsan Shire

[Heidi]

“I won’t glorify or romanticise heartbreak, for me it was a kind of death and I was forced to keep living.

[Heidi]

“you’ll have to be careful,
my otherness
will spoil you
ruin you
after me, all else will taste
redundant.

[Socrates]

Lijepo piše ta Warsawa

Šteta što nije ja, jer ja samo svoje napisano mogu da zaista doživim.

[Heidi]

Sad people have the gift of time, while the world dizzies everyone else; they remain stagnant, their bodies refusing to follow pace with the universe.
With these kind of people everything aches for too long, everything moves without rush, wounds are always wet.

[Heidi]

Nije Warsawa nego Warsan.

Pa pisi sam i dozivljavaj.

[Heidi]

[love letter to self]

i don’t think so. but, i forgive you, girl, who tallied stretch marks into reasons why no one should get close. i forgive you, silly girl, sweet breath, decent by default. i forgive you for being afraid. did everything betray you? even the rain you love so much made rust out of your jewellery? i forgive you, soft spoken girl speaking with fake brash voice, fooling no one. i see you, tender even on your hardest days. i forgive you, waiting for him to call, i forgive you, the diets and the cruel friends. especially for that one time you said ‘i fucking give up on love, it’s not worth it, i’d rather be alone forever’. you were just pretending, weren’t you? i know you didn’t mean that. your body, your mouth, your heart, made specifically for loving. sometimes the things we love, will kill us, but weren’t we dying anyway? i forgive you for being something that will eventually die. perishable goods, fading out slowly, little human, i wouldn’t want to be in a world where you don’t exist.”
—
Warsan Shire, “and were you being good to yourself?”