Ljubaznost

[Mutevelija]

[Mutevelija]

Concentric Circles of Priority and Influence
Mickey Heynen • Dec 28, 2022
How putting first things first enables a greater and more sustained impact.
Here’s a recurring concept

I’ll call it the “concentric circles.” I’m sure I picked it up in some leadership book, but I can’t for the life of me remember which one, or maybe it’s just a concept that merges other concepts. Anyway, it can be used to picture a lot of things, but most relate in some form to sphere’s of influence or spheres of priority






Priority


First, let’s look at priorities. Something I have learned about myself is that I have long said my priorities start from the center of the circles and spread outward. However, if I were to do a time analysis on my schedule anytime before December of 2021, one would see that my time was disproportionately spent on the wider circles - 1st Degree Contacts (e.g., coworkers, customers, etc.) and Community. My heart said that family comes first, but my actions spoke otherwise. In fact, in order to work on the outer circles, I asked a lot

of myself: sacrificing exercise, sleep, hobbies
of my immediate family: “Sorry, I have to work that night/weekend. I have to be on the road,” etc.
of my Friends and extended family: missing special events or get-togethers, or being absent minded when together.


One could then assume that either my priorities were my work and community commitments over my family, or I was not aligned with my heart when allocating time. In my case, it was the latter, and every time I asked self/family/friends to “forgive me but…” it took an emotional toll on me, and that depleted my emotional bank account over time. I also spent a lot of money and resources on “making up for” my misaligned priorities. I’d fly my wife with me to the work destinations across the globe. We’d go out to eat a lot more because after a 14 hour work day I just wanted to go out. I spent more on things, wanting to buy nice things for those I loved (and probably making up for the lack of time we had together.) Sure, I wanted to do those things anyway; I just think I needed to do them more when filling the void of time.



Naturally, the answer is to reprioritize, in combination with setting boundaries. It’s like the exercise of filling a jar with large rocks, small pebbles, and sand. One has to fill the jar in the appropriate order - the large rocks first (top priorities), then the smaller rocks (important things that need to get done), and then the sand (little things, many that don’t ‘need’ to get done).



The two key things to me were 1) getting serious about putting first things first, and 2) being realistic about how much time each of the circles demanded of me, given the commitments I had made. For instance, when thinking about point 2, there are many factors in work that deem how much time it requires. Industry, role, objectives, timelines to achieve the goals, risks/threats, team, and so on. If you want to be the best, AND grow the business the fastest, AND grow to be the biggest, AND help team members grow, AND reach the milestones before your competitors, it takes dedication and a lot of time. I’ve known too many people with hearts for their family/friends, who want to be healthy, and who want to be involved in their community, but who say repeatedly “I don’t have time,” or “when I achieve X, then I’ll make time.” I was one of those people. Then, God willing, you a) live long enough to get to that inflection point and b) recognize the time when you get there.



The funny thing is that I sincerely believe putting priorities in order of the circles makes one better at all of it - boss, employee, spouse, parent, etc. I believe companies benefit when people are more balanced (often despite the company culture). I believe people do more inspiring work. I just think we don’t prioritize actually putting the inner circles first, and imagining what it looks like in the workplace or community when we encourage that kind of prioritization. I know I used to encourage others to prioritize, but I don’t think I was the best example. As Tim McGraw’s song goes… “I’m better than I used to be.”



Influence


That leads us to the other way of looking at the concentric circles - as spheres of influence. Assume you are someone who wants to change your community, or change the world. What does that look like if you focus all of your time and energy on the outer circles but don’t take the time to shore up the inner ones? How many people do you know who work nonstop and appear to be very successful, but suffer from one or more of alcoholism or substance abuse, broken relationships, insomnia, mysterious health conditions (e.g., brain fog, heart palpitations, or worse…), or never have time to attend events with their kids/friends/etc?



How many of those people do you admire? If you were to wish something for your child, how much of that lifestyle would you wish for them?



Another analogy that I think goes well with the circles is one of a mountain. Image the mountain is “holding space” where other things can thrive. The bigger the mountain, the more climates it influences, the more it helps bring water and shelter, beautiful views, etc. If we were to say each of the concentric circles is a cone, and you’re looking down (from above) on the cones when you see circles; and if each circle is as high as one is aligned to one’s priorities, then a well-aligned person’s circles would look like a mountain.






But what about someone who is focusing on the wider world, but not focusing on the inner circles? Those circles would be crevices, rather than mountains. Such an example might look more like the following - as if there’s a hole in the middle, like a volcano that blew its top. Rather than holding space, it’s as if there’s a vacuum, or a hole that constantly needs filling



As a final analogy, tree trunks have rings (like concentric circles) as they grow and add outside layers each year. Life and sustenance traverse the trunk via outer rings, while the inner rings provide strength. Trees that experience rot from pests, fungus, etc. coming from the outside, which then cause decay of the wood at the center of the tree trunk or branches. That decay or softening of the heartwood makes the tree or branch structurally weaker, which may lead to branches or the tree itself to break. Let’s say you are the tree. You want to grow tall, reach wide, provide shade, be deeply rooted, etc. That is only possible with a strong core.




https://www.staringatatree.com/concentr ... -influence

[ina]

Mutevelija je li to radiš detaljnije na ljubaznosti i harmoniji sebe sa svijetom?

[Mutevelija]

Mutevelija je li to radiš detaljnije na ljubaznosti i harmoniji sebe sa svijetom?

U neku ruku, mada i sad smatram da je ljubaznost neiskrena i gizdanje je ali možeš ostvariti neki cilj, a i svi volimo kad nam neko da kompliment, mada uvijek gledam na komplimente podazrivo.
Više sam orijentiran u stvaranju prioriteta u životu, često sebe uhvatim u tome da dajem pažnju ljudima sa kojim neću dolaziti toliko u kontakt a ignorišem ljude sa kojim dolazim u kontakt.
Ne znam zašto nas zanima tuđe mišljenje ili mišljenje ljudi kojih nikad necemo sresti u životu a ignoriramo mišljenja ljudi koji su sa nama
A sjetimo ih se kasno naravno , kao i sa umjetnicima , države društva im odaju priznanje, tek nakon smrti.
Ne volim uvlakače , nanjusim ih na kilometar , a uvlačiti se ne znam, ako dođem u takvu situaciju radije šutim.

[ina]

Često se brkaju ljubaznost i laskanje. Ovo zadnje je danas češće.
U prvom slučaju može biti i prisutna neforsirana nit uljudnosti.



A taj drugi dio posta....

[Nice]

Mute uvijek na oprezu

[Mutevelija]

Mute uvijek na oprezu

Jednostavno imam šesto čulo za to uvlačenje a može nekad biti i poshebavanje od dotičnih osoba, ili jedne osobe.

[Mutevelija]

Često se brkaju ljubaznost i laskanje. Ovo zadnje je danas češće.
U prvom slučaju može biti i prisutna neforsirana nit uljudnosti.



A taj drugi dio posta....

Pretjerana ljubaznost je laskanje.

[ina]

Ima i ljubaznih osoba bez preuveličavanja.

Uostalom svima se desilo, biti i ljubazni, i mrgudni a i laskavi.
Ne mora značiti opet da su to krucijalno loši ljudi.

[Nice]

Mute uvijek na oprezu

Jednostavno imam šesto čulo za to uvlačenje a može nekad biti i poshebavanje od dotičnih osoba, ili jedne osobe.

Ja to nepogrešivo osjetim, a vjerujem i većina ljudi, ali ne zamjeram toliko i ne zamaram se s tim
Neko jednostavno ne zna drugačije komunicirati osim na način laskanja. Ne uzimam toliko za zlo, niti sam preoprezna

[Nice]

Ima i ljubaznih osoba bez preuveličavanja.

Uostalom svima se desilo, biti i ljubazni, i mrgudni a i laskavi.
Ne mora značiti opet da su to krucijalno loši ljudi.

Slično mislim

[Mutevelija]

Jednostavno imam šesto čulo za to uvlačenje a može nekad biti i poshebavanje od dotičnih osoba, ili jedne osobe.

Ja to nepogrešivo osjetim, a vjerujem i većina ljudi, ali ne zamjeram toliko i ne zamaram se s tim
Neko jednostavno ne zna drugačije komunicirati osim na način laskanja. Ne uzimam toliko za zlo, niti sam preoprezna

Najgore je pričanje iza ledja sa laskanjem kad si sa osobom.

[Nice]

Pa i trač je vid komunikacije https://gloriaglam.hr/gg-talk/volimo-tr ... camo-11424

[bez]

Pretjerana ljubaznost je laskanje.

cuj mute nije bas tako ja sam u profesiji uvijek ljubazan a isto tako i u komunikaciji sa nepoznatim dok mi to ne pada na pamet s onim koje dobro znam

[Mutevelija]

Pretjerana ljubaznost je laskanje.

cuj mute nije bas tako ja sam u profesiji uvijek ljubazan a isto tako i u komunikaciji sa nepoznatim dok mi to ne pada na pamet s onim koje dobro znam

Ljubazna si zbog novca, to ti je sastavni dio posla da budeš ljubazna.
Ne bi bila ljubazna da nemaš neku korist od toga.

[Maja]

[bez]

Ljubazna si zbog novca, to ti je sastavni dio posla da budeš ljubazna.
Ne bi bila ljubazna da nemaš neku korist od toga.

ne ovisi novac o ljubaznosti ali su ljudi skloniji da poslusaju ako im nesto ljubazno kazes pa onda imas manje posla s nima.

[Mutevelija]

Ljubazna si zbog novca, to ti je sastavni dio posla da budeš ljubazna.
Ne bi bila ljubazna da nemaš neku korist od toga.

ne ovisi novac o ljubaznosti ali su ljudi skloniji da poslusaju ako im nesto ljubazno kazes pa onda imas manje posla s nima.

Ma mislim razvila si vještinu koja ti je neophodna u poslu.
To je tačno takav sam i sam najviše tada poslušam, jer ispadas nepristojan i loše se osjećaš kad ljubaznoj osobi kažeš ne .

Treba ljubazniji odbiti znati ako nije ti u interesu.

A da li te ta ljubaznost košta nekada , jesi li ljubazna a iznutra drugačije misliš osjećaš , želudac ti se okreće ?

[bez]

Ma mislim razvila si vještinu koja ti je neophodna u poslu.
To je tačno takav sam i sam najviše tada poslušam, jer ispadas nepristojan i loše se osjećaš kad ljubaznoj osobi kažeš ne .

Treba ljubazniji odbiti znati ako nije ti u interesu.

A da li te ta ljubaznost košta nekada , jesi li ljubazna a iznutra drugačije misliš osjećaš , želudac ti se okreće ?

vidis kako odmah razumijes kad ti kazem da je manje posla.

[Mutevelija]

Ma mislim razvila si vještinu koja ti je neophodna u poslu.
To je tačno takav sam i sam najviše tada poslušam, jer ispadas nepristojan i loše se osjećaš kad ljubaznoj osobi kažeš ne .

Treba ljubazniji odbiti znati ako nije ti u interesu.

A da li te ta ljubaznost košta nekada , jesi li ljubazna a iznutra drugačije misliš osjećaš , želudac ti se okreće ?

vidis kako odmah razumijes kad ti kazem da je manje posla.

U zadnje vrijeme se učim aserrivnosti, jednostavno kažem ne osobi na ljubazan i kulturan način.
Doduše znam nekad biti drzak is manjka socijalizaciakih vjestinaa. Ali sam iskren i direktan .

A to opet zavisi i od spola, ženama više izlazim u susret.
Bez nužno da očekujem protuuslugu, samo zahvalnost , dok od muškaraca očekujem protuuslugu kasnije i vidim to kao činom respekta.

Rijetko volim tražiti pomoć od drugih za nešto , radije uradim sam.